(not) 4 my babe

hi babe,

i'm waiting 4 u...u know?somehow i felt a little disappointed with what u have done,no,with what u haven't done. but i also know by my mind that u r not my imagination.u r a real man,not the one i always dream of,like the one in the story tale. Life is not that wonderful,not always perfect as human wishes. By the way,although it were going as what we wished,we will still be disappointed,coz we always want more n more. when the result is not the same with what we hoped,we will regret and another disappointed appear.

but babe,

by my heart, I always be a little selfish gal.I always want more n more from u n give u fewer n fewer. But eventhough I know I am a selfish gal,why does i never stop acting like this n make a sense?i really hate myself.i hate myself when i know i am doing something wrong but i can't stop it.i just repeat n repeat the same thing.the same wrong thing...

babe,

do u know how i feel?do u know that i used to cry all night?i know u knew it sometimes even i didn't tell u the reason. i don't know whether u want me to forget my what-ever-problem-u-r-facing-on or u r really don't care. but sometimes it hurt me. it seems that u r really dun care. i'm not blaming u,i just want to tell u that i really not a strong girl as u think.i'm really weak.i sad 4 everything,anything.i sad when i think about my weaknesses.i sad when i think bout my family.i sad when i think about the university.i sad when u don't care about me.but i will also sad if u care.see?i think i'm really a strange girl,isn't it?whatever u do will be a fault in my eyes.

actually,what i'm typing on?at the first i just want u to know that i'm waiting 4 u here.waiting 4 u to realize my position n hope.waiting 4 u to look deep inside my heart.but then i was typing how selfish i am,how stupid n not stable i am,typing to gave u clue bout my way of thinking...

hoping u will understand me more n more,as i wished i can understand u.

maybe all of the 'disasters' today make me think in an odd way.hope u never read this,coz i afraid i will hurt ur heart.the last thing i want to do to u....

always love u,

Lily of the valley